I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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