Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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