I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
