Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
