I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
