I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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