Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
