i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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