In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
