And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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