I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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