There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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