btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
