can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
