im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
