Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
