K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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