if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
