my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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