Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
