You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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