I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
