You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
