I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
