You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
