My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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