just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
