don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize