May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
