the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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