I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
