she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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