i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
