please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
this will be a night to untag.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
