I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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