didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
