I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
