oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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