how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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