I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
