Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
