Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
