Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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