Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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