was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
