I looked at my own cervix.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize