the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize