omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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