i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
