Only a mothe r could love this liver
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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