Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Less talking, more tequila
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
