I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
