There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
