I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
