You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
