just tell him i said nine months
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
