it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
