Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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