guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
