We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
