listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
